I came upon a desert land
Betrothed in oil and lots of sand
I trekked the globe to race a tri
The aim to swim and bike and fly.
Alas I thought I hadn’t done
The work required to have the fun.
(That comes later in the year
When one’s love handles disappear…)
Anyway I tried to swim,
It didn’t work, despite a Hymn.
I called on God but He said “Nooo
Ah’ve more important things tae do”.
My corpse washed up upon the shore,
A beat up athlete on deaths door
Ran up the beach to lots of claps
Then fell, in front of some hot chaps.
Twas time to mount the ‘zebratron’
And ride like twenty thousand men.
Alak I could not find the way
I took so long they’d gone to pray.
Ninety-one K of out-and-back
Time to launch the run attack!
I scampered off – regretted that
I felt as good as a cow pat.
The good ones always soldier on
I followed suit – it felt so long.
I’d had hopes of a better day
Perhaps next time I race in May!